PPT for Love

Love and hurt are as inseparable as roads and pollution, beer and beer belly, cell-phones and promotional calls and code and bugs. No matter how hard guys try, the answer to that all important question as to what women want always seems elusive. Well, even Freud didn’t know. Even if he did, he didn’t tell us, probably under threat or coercion from the different publications who make a living out of running personal-help columns. Through the ages, we have had billions of people spending sleepless nights and doze-less afternoons, lost in their relationship equations with almost a thousand variables (comprising cards, cakes, movies, fights, differences, preferences, parental guidance and so on…).

So, if you think your love life can be much more challenging and confusing to debug than a million lines of badly documented code, think again. Here’s presenting the latest revolutionary philosophy which solves your problems even before they might appear. Lovingly referred to as the Predictive Problem-solving Technique or PPT, this should be your key to sublime happiness. You’d never ever need to write to those agony columns again.

PPT has involved painstaking research on terabytes of data over many love and life cycles, hours of doodling, fiddling around with pencils and dozens of sandwiches. As the old Martian saying goes: every problem can either be solved or dissolved; PPT predicts that all the relationship equations can be reduced to two basic inequations, and all relationship queries or problems can be grouped into two basic questions:
1. I am in love with (some-girly-name) but I am scared that if I come clean about my feelings, she might say “No” and I might lose her friendship. What should I do?
2. I was in love with (some/same-girly-name) but everything that she liked about me before the relationship started, now gets her mad at me. What should I do?
The answers are simple
1. Don’t get scared as long she doesn’t say “Yes”.
2. Refer to Answer 1. We told you so.
So there you are, all your present/future problems are encapsulated and solved even before they appear. Stop bothering about relationships heading to heaven or hell and just enjoy the ride. And about PPT, Agony Uncle urges all to keep it a secret till it is patented and Uncle moves on to more critically important research on a statistical tool to predict and deal with sudden urges to break into laughter during grave teleconferences or group meetings.